4 times Hon. Patrick has confused us with his English

Patrick Obahiagbon is a name we started
hearing when he began to represent Oredo
Federal Constituency of Edo state at the House
of Representatives in 2007. The catch was that
he spoke jaw-breaking words, like literally jaw
breaking. Words that you probably won’t be able
to pronounce when hungry.
When he was interviewed by Vanguard, the law
graduate of Politician appealed to his audience
to try to understand what he speaks and in his
own words
“ The intention is not to
deliberately befuddle or obfuscate
them. I do not set out to deposit my
audience in a portmanteau of
indecipherability ”

Which in layman English simply means that he
doesn’t mean to confuse us intentionally smh .
But now we ask, if it’s not intentional, what is it
Honorable?

We explained a few times Honorable
Obahiagbon spoke to us in layman English
because life is really too short to look for a
dictionary when this man speaks.

1. When he spoke about the death
of former ASUU President

“The grand initiation of
Professor Festus Iyayi is a
lancinating loss of another
stentorian voice, against retrograde
and prebendal forces of primitive
mercantilism. That he passed
through transition on matters pro
bono publico, bears eloquent
testimony to our state of dystopia.
Such is the evanescence of life. It’s
all vanitas vanitatum”
In layman English: It is a loss of this statesman
and the fact that he died in service shows how
scary everything is.

2. When he reacted to the DANA
plane crash

“We must halt this ludicrously
lugubrious kakistocracy. We must
demur against demuren (no
onomatopoeic extrapolation)
intended. The quotidian stentorian
atrabilious ululation is
abyssopelagic. The country is on a
precipice of apocalyptic
crepuscule.”

Layman English: The country is not working
well. Everything is going one kain

3. When he thought Mikel Obi
deserved Player of the Year in
2014

“I am maniacally bewildered,
overgassted and flabberwhelmed at
the paraplegic crinkum-crankum
that characterised the GLO-CAF
awards culminating in an
odoriferous saga cum gargantuan
gaga. The jiggery-pokery of CAF in
crowning Yaya Toure instead of our
own prodigy John Obi Mikel is a
veritable bugaboo that must be
pooh-poohed by all compos mentis
homo sapiens. The perfidy and
mendacity of all the apparatchik of
sports suzerainty are not only
repugnant but also
insalubrious.”

Layman English: They did ojoro. The award is
for John Mikel Obi not Yaya Toure

4. When he spoke about
Xenophobia in South Africa

“The attack on foreigners in
South Africa (xenophobia) is a
miasma of a deprecate apotheosis
of a hemorrhaging Pluto crack,
cascading oozing into a malodorous
excrescence of mobocracy. With all
termagant ossifying proclivities of a
kakistocracy, our knowledge centura
is enveloped in a paraplegic
crinkum-crankum. Therefore, the
lampooning is cest in deja vu, deja
vu peret ologomabia”

Layman English: What they are doing in South
Africa is bad
But jokes apart, majority of these words are in
the English dictionary and we swear we’ve
never come across them before.